Saturday, January 24, 2015

not that word

Even though it's been 9 months I haven't updated this blog, there's hardly been a day I haven't thought about it. Countless posts have been drafted and I still write down ideas in my notebook. This little online diary started one day back in February in 2008 when I was feeling hopeful for the first time in a long while, when I was preparing my move to London after feeling paralysed and stuck at home. It saw me moving from one country to the other and through changes I somehow stuck to it (albeit not very regularly). In the end of 2013, I started feeling weird towards this place, I felt like I lost my voice. It's hard to put it into words but I felt like I was using 'blog speak' instead of my own words. Too many superlatives got in the way. This is not a rant against the blogging world and its success, and the money and all that by the way. I just felt like I was following some word formula and got frustrated. I mean what is the point to have an anonymous diary online if you can't be true to your own voice? So I stopped writing here and I stopped reading blogs.
I didn't stop writing online though. I started a travel blog and kept taking pictures, which has become my favourite thing about blogging. It didn't matter that much in that context if my voice didn't feel totally mine as the blog was about places, not my dinky little life.
I think I got the control back on my own voice today and I always thought that it would be the time then to come back here. The desire is definitely there but I have to be honest with myself right now, I find it difficult to find the energy to dedicate to two blogs.
A couple of you have got in touch to ask me if I would write again on here, it touched me so much but also baffled me that anyone would care. My answer then was yes definitely, I feel like answering that today too I love this space and I love the freedom that comes with writing under a nickname and above all I love the little group of like-minded girls that would often pop by and tell me what they think in the comment section. 
I miss all that but I'm not strong enough (yet) to take on 2 blogs and make a good job of it. So this is not goodbye but au revoir, with the hope that 2015 will make me a better person xx


Stephanie Louise said...

I have dearly missed your posts! It's so nice to hear words, even if it is see you when you see us, but at least we know you are doing well! May we know your travel blog?

moira said...

@stephanie louise: that's so sweet of you to say, thank you! how are you? and yes sure, it's xx

Kelli/ExtraSolar said...

i don't have as much time for blog-reading as i used to, but whenever i log into bloglovin' i always look for earworm! i think it's totally natural to grow out of a space (even if you still love it) and it seems like your new venture gives you the inspiration you need.

hope everything is well for you and we see you back here one day soon!


Basia Monika said...

Hi! I just nominate your for the Liebster Award in one of my post because I think you're running a great blog. I hope you can check it and participate in the fun! Greetings!!! :)

moira said...

@kelli: hi kelli! how are you? just discovered through your link that you started a new shop. How exciting! I really like the concept. Btw, have you stopped blogging altogether?
Yes there's definitely a bit of that actually, 'growing out of a space'. I learned so much through the 6 years I've been blogging, I wanted to use those skills in a place I'm proud of in a way. Not that I dislike earworm but it's just my journal with no head or tail. I hope you're good too and your cute little family! xx
ps: thanks for what you said about looking for my blog, it really touches me <3

@Basia Monika: Hi Monika, thank you so much for the nomination, it's so kind of you. You're catching me at a blog hiatus so unfortunately I won't join in the fun but i'll go over on your blog now and read your post xx

Extra Solar said...

Hey M, I'm doing alright! I did indeed stop blogging- at the moment I was feeling really pressured to have a certain "look", x number of readers, spend a certain amount on stuff just to have fresh content, etc. It felt so disingenuous.

i actually would like to start up again in a more informal sense- really just posting the random stuff that inspires me but i'm busy with loti and life !

anyway, i'd love to keep in touch! email me if you ever feel like it:

moira said...

@kelli: i know what you mean and it's so sad because this dark feeling of being not enough is killing the 'real' (for a lack of better word) blogs.
will expand in an email xx

Louise said...

To be completely honest with you, I never linked you from this blog with the you from theartofexploring instagram I've been following (and loving!). And I'm so happy that you've found a space you can put in your energy and get good energy back from - even though it's not this space right now. I'm happy to be following you through your endeavours and hope and wish 2015 will be fantastic for you, whatever you do.

moira said...

@Louise: Thank you so much Louise for your sweetest comment and sorry for the very late reply, this somehow ended in my spam. Thank God I checked because this warmed my heart so much. I hope the content on my new space is not too confusingly different but I really wanted to focus on travel as it was the content I liked the most here.
Looking forward to interacting more with you, hope life post-uni is treating you well xx

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